Although your teen might be trying to distance themselves from you, they need to feel that they can call on you at all times. For them to feel comfortable doing so, you need to maintain contact and a bond of trust. But how do you manage that?

• Choose family moments that are nonnegotiable. For example, meals taken together, without screens, where you can take the opportunity to talk about your day, projects, concerns, etc. 
• Have fun, laugh, enjoy yourself, and don't be afraid of the ridiculous! It feels good and is a very effective remedy for maintaining good mental and physical health. 
• Find common interests to share together: a photo, a TV series, cycling, music, etc.
• Schedule time to be alone with your teen. These moments lend themselves to more in-depth discussions and questions on from them about the challenges of adolescence. 
• Take an interest in what they do, what they like, and what they think without being too intrusive. If your teenager shows you that they don't want to talk about it, it's because they don't want to talk about it: that's all. Try open-ended questions like: "What do you think of...," "What would you like if...," "What do you like about this…."
• Don't ask too many questions. Just let them know you're open and available.  Try "You might feel this way," "I know this is important to you," "If you need to talk about it, I'm here," etc. 

IMPORTANT: When your teen needs you, make yourself available and attentive to what they tell you. 

Adjust how you communicate to your child's age, especially in adolescence. It's all the more important to explore what your teen is going through, as well as their perceptions and emotions, before giving advice. If you create openness and normalize what they are experiencing, your teenager will be much more open to hearing from you and more comfortable confiding in you. 

Above all, stay calm. As the new parent of a teenager, your emotions might be sorely tried. Your teen might not be good at expressing what they really want. Take a break to regain control of your emotions, if necessary. It might help to think of a quality you appreciate in your teen! At the same time, you are providing a positive model for managing emotions.

Refer to Three-Step Communication.

A strong relationship with a teenager allows a form of respect to develop towards their parent and towards the notion of authority in general. The teen will be more open to advice and more open to leaving room for parental help. 

• Education and prevention: Even if they think they know it all, your teenager needs you to take the time to teach them certain concepts based on their age and stage of development. Some examples of this are sexuality, drug and alcohol use, relationships with friends, risky activities, social media, and lifestyle habits.
• Be available when your teen needs you, reassure them about their fears and encourage them to make decisions and find solutions on their own. 
• Preserve and promote your teenager's self-esteem and self-confidence. They are at the age when confidence is fragile, developing gradually and quietly. It's by developing their identity that they will be able to really build self-esteem. 
  • Encourage your teen in the activities that they take part in; go to their sports games; congratulate them for their efforts, ideas, and initiatives. 
  • Say thank you when they help around the house. 
  • Avoid jokes that might seem funny to you, such as—"one day he'll decide to have a girlfriend," or "that's just like her to forgets everything,"—that put pressure on your teenager for nothing. 
  • Avoid intervening to reprimand your teen: wait until you're alone.

It's a good idea to involve your teen in decisions about family rules. That will make them feel involved and better understand the meaning of the rules. 

Above all, take the time to reflect on the rules that are important to you as a parent: They are the priorities and the values you wish to pass on. 

Good home rules need to be: 

1. CLEAR: Simple, few in number, and known to all.
2. CONSISTENT: Be a role model as a parent, with rules that reflect your values and behaviors.
3. CONSTANT: Predictable, regardless of the time or your mood. Imagine that the Highway Safety Code changed every morning, and you had to adjust to it to get to work. How would you feel? You might be afraid of being late for work, having an accident, or not understanding the new signage. You would be exhausted from having to adjust to something new every day, so you would be less available for your daily tasks.
4. CONSEQUENTIAL: What happens if a rule is broken? Consequences need to be planned with your teenager, not on the spur of the moment when the situation arises. This helps reduce outbursts of anger and makes your teen more responsible. 
5. PARENTAL CONSENSUS: The rules must be the same for both parents, so it's important to discuss them beforehand so you can agree on which rules should be prioritized. 

►A few tips on how to supervise your teenager

Does all disruptive behavior require a consequence? Not at all. Some behavior is naturally disruptive and can disrupt family dynamics without requiring immediate consequences. Here are a few examples: 

Important rule: Identify the need behind the behavior and try to meet it, e.g., to be heard, to have privacy (see Theme 1: My Needs). A number of needs underlie certain types of disruptive behavior.

Possible responses to disruptive behavior: 

• Intentional ignorance: Ignore the behavior, not your teen.
• Warning: The next time you do this, there will be such and such a consequence.
• Redirect or distract from the source of reaction: Change the subject of the conversation, use humor, ask a question about your teen's day, keep the child busy, ask them to move away from the source of anger, if necessary (e.g., siblings). Do not use this strategy to avoid or invalidate your emotions.
• Give a deadline for cooperation: "I'll give you until noon to clean up your room, or you'll be grounded for the rest of the day."
• Giving power through false choices: When you offer two alternatives with the same objective, your teen feels they have a choice and this satisfies their need to make decisions for themselves.
   

The aim of having a consequence is to prepare your teenager for adulthood by getting them to experience the consequences of their choices. The ultimate aim is to make them responsible for their actions, not to make them feel guilty, humiliate them, make them suffer, or damage their self-esteem. 

Above all, the choice of consequence should: 

• Be as predictable as possible, and therefore included in your list of family rules. This will enable your teenager to know what to expect, so they react less forcefully.
• Make sense to your teenager and should be linked as closely as possible to the inappropriate action. 
• Be applied as soon as possible after the act.
• Be short-lived to encourage the feeling that they can try again and improve. Ideally, go one day at a time.

The consequence should not usually cut into the quality time between parent and teenager so as to avoid them making the association that their relationship with their parent depends solely on their behavior. 

Some teenagers can react strongly to consequences. Indeed, tolerating disappointment or rejection is a learning process. You have an important role to play in supporting your child and helping then to manage their emotions effectively in this kind of situation. By allowing them to experience the consequences of their choices, you give them the opportunity to learn how to manage their emotions in the face of rejection or disappointment. Theme 4 discusses about helping your teen to better manage their emotions.
 

• Topic 2 exercise

• How to guide your teen